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Monday, June 22, 2009

8:11PM - Hot nasty squirrel sex

So my mom comes in to work the other day and gives the following report. She was in the living room and noticed that there was a squirrel on the window ledge. then she looked over and saw that there was another one hanging from the screen. The first one suddenly jumped up and started "Humping"(moms own words) the one hanging from the screen. when he was finished he jumped down apparently to have a cigarette. Keep in mind the whole transaction occured while one was clinging o a piece of nylon mesh suspended several feet from the ground and the other was clinging to her. Squirrels just wanna have fu-uunn.

Current mood: contemplative
Current music: 70's porn music
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Saturday, May 23, 2009

8:48PM - Book em Danno, murder one.

I had an epiphany on the way home tonight. The Ventures were playing the Hawaii Five-O theme. And it occured to me that CSI miami's David Caruoso is channeling Jack Lord. I never noticed befor but the catch phrases, the overacting that makes even Shatner whince, the hairdo its all there. kinda makes you think doesn't it? (ok well maybe not but its a holiday weekend so I'm cutting way back on thinking.)

Current mood: contemplative
Current music: dat dah dah dah daaah dah
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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

8:49AM - R.I.P. Mark "the Bird" Fydrich

He was just a simple man who made people laugh with his peculiar pitching style. He didn't last long in the majors, but he was happy to have made enough to buy his farm. He will be missed here, far away from his home. So long Bird.

Current mood: sad
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8:46AM - Boo ya!!

In the interest of fairness and equal time I must say Bravo!!! to the Navy for affecting the rescue of that Maersk lines captain from Somali pirates.A long standing tradition of the U.S. navy of kickin' pirate ass is upheld. Dr McNinja would be proud.

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

8:56PM - Semper Paratus

One of the things most folks don't know about me is that i tried real hard in the early 90's to get into the Coast Guard. It was the earliest emergence of that pathological desire to help folks that being a Paramedic ultimately cured forever. In spite of the fact I never got in, the USCG has a special place in my heart. This image reinforces that
http://www.boatnerd.com/news/newsthumbs/images-09-2/cgredriver.jpg
By way of background this is in Grand Forks N.D.where crews from stations around the Great Lakes region are assisting in the relief effort.
The coasties don't usually get adequate recognition in the mass media so this is may attempt to rectify that. You don't see the Air Force or the Navy SEALS rescuing little old ladies puppies (or carrying their purses!)not to take anything away from the other services but to me this job is equally relevant.

Current mood: grateful
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Monday, March 30, 2009

9:29PM - OMG best family guy evar!!!

Last night's family guy was the funniest i've seen in a very long time. The Meg story was iffy but the Stewie supporting story with the cast of TNG was hilarious. It was worth it just to here Micheal Dorn say "I have to go to the bathroom." Of course the Bar for comedy is set kind of low after watching a marathon 12 heart wrenchingly painful episodes of Battlestar Galactica season 4.0. OMFG are these people ever going to have anything good happen to them? (word on the internet is nope!)I know that the the series is over and I have heard rumours of the outcome but since i have been unable to watch it in absence of cable at my place I will wait for june and netflix to deliver the final blow(take that anyway you choose to)All I can say is that if Ronald D Moore showed up on my door roight now I'd be torn between popping him in the nose and offering him a congratulatory drink. so next week's ofering from Netflix will be Bolt and several episodes of Greg the Bunny.

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

6:58PM - The saga continues

I thought when Luna came home that the drama was concluded. When I got home yesterday I found I was wrong. After I retrieved my messages I started for the bedroom I discovered that there was visitor. A calico bullet flew at me from around the corner. The intruder disappeared into the front of the house.

I have not seen this new cat since then so I have to conclude that the cat underground railroad is located in one of the front rooms. To that end I have closed off all of the bedrooms and the bathroom in the front of the house. When this cold snap is over I shall search for the cat portal and close it forever.

so to sum up i had two cats, then one cat then
two cats, then three cats and now as of today two.

Current mood: confused
Current music: Cat Balou soundtrack
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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

9:21PM - Cat who walks through walls

So Luna disappeared last friday. she was missing from them until this afternoon. I spotted her in the park and tried to catch her and she ran away. When I got home this afternoon she was sitting on the bed like nothing happened.

I have no idea how she got back in. I have no idea how she got out in the first place. I'm glad she's back but i need to find out where the temporal rift is in my house so i can keep her from getting out again.

On a completely unrelated note, I wonder if they search people before they go into those "American Idol" auditions Because its a wonder no ones ever busted a cap in Simon's pretentious queen ass. I'm just sayin'

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Friday, January 2, 2009

1:41PM - Holiday summarizing

Proust in his first book wrote about, wrote about...
O.K. enough of that. so Christmas happened, it wasn't great but it wasn't horrible either. I got good stuff. new sheets, a new table lamp and an ott lite with a magnifier for painting miniatures and the like. I wish it came with some motivation but alas...
The best part of christmas was the fact we didn't have to run willy nilly from one family gathering to the next.Ususally we spend the eve w/ both sides of the family who unfortunately choose to schedule their merry making at the same time.

This year since Dad had to work we skipped his side. This no doubt caused some hard feelings but frak them they can take it. We risked life and limb for years getting from one place to the other since invariably ol'mom nature whistles up a blizzard on the evening of the 24th.

New years was almost non existant. i had invitations to two different friends but chose to stay home and watch the 4 disaster movies i got from netflix instead. My friend Tom came over for a little while and we ate pizza and drank PBR while watching criminal minds.

Then I called my friend Kelly, who is technically still married to my friend James even though he left her to go shack up with some girl in Jackson and get her pregnant. That is a whole different story, but suffice it to say she called because he was trying to talk her into getting back together, mainly because girl #2 had just thrown him out, although she did let him back.


Anyway we talked for a while them emailed for a while and then it was midnight and I watched the sad remains of Dick clark and went to be after consuming a whole bottle of really cheap sparkling wine (andre strawberry fresa, it was dreadful but they had no cold duck which is my traditional poison of choice.)

On New years day I had dinner at my aunt's house and we watched Michigan state loose and penn state get whomped and i dozed off on her couch and then went home. all in all i would pronounce the holidays satisfactory, Especailly since by burning a few vaction days i have only had to work 5 out of the last 14 days. So, in closing, a belated happy hollidays to all.

Current mood: good
Current music: James horners Wrath of Khan soundtrack
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Sunday, November 30, 2008

10:52PM - kruschev gives Kelsey Grammer a sponge bath

So i was half watching an episode of "Fraiser" and when i looked up his girlfriend had turned into Bob Hoskins. I thought WTF why did fraiser's girlfriend turn into Kruschev?? (for my money His best recent work was in "Enemy at the Gates," a relatively weak movie overall but his portrayal of old "we will bury you was great.)

Later in the same episode he bathed kelsey while reading poetry, perhaps the real Kruschev did this for Stalin. The moral of this story is,kids if you;re going to watch "Frasier" watch it from the beginning

Current mood: confused
Current music: tossed salads and scrambled eggs
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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

9:47AM - U.S. tv reception threatened by hypersonic tool bag

So I heard this morning that the International space station and other satellites are in danger from the famous floating tool bag released last week during "Extreme Makeover Space edition"(I can just picture the big reveal "shuttle driver move that shuttle!!") Anyway, there's this $100,000 bag of tools orbiting the earth at 5miles per second that could potentially destroy satellites or damage the ISS before it burns up in the atmosphere. My question is why don't they just zap it with a giant laser? I mean shouldn't the ISS be equipped with a giant laser to defend it from aliens or super villains bent on world domination? Haven't these people seen even one James Bond movie? I'm just saying.

Current mood: amused
Current music: ground control to major Tom
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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

3:47PM

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'

first let me say I hope Mr zimmerman doesn't sue me for posting that second please forgive my initial lack of enthusiasm for President elect Obama. I am filled with an nearly forgotten sensation. I cant say for sure ut it feels like hope. Confidence that the future doesn't hold more of the same old crap. I tend to be cynical but,.... Whoopeee!!!
The excitement I have seen, on TV, on the net etc makes me think we really could change things and it feels good. P.S. I did vote for Obama, just seemed like the right thing to do, how could I face the polar bears otherwise?

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

1:29PM - Replaced by a machine

so i went to my folks house yesterday to clean. i do their housework to pick up a little extra coin. mom got one of those Roomba robot vacuums and it is the coolest thing i have ever seen, well maybe not THE coolest but top ten for sure.

It has a voice prompt system to tell you when it need assistance, but other than that it just goes on its merry way ricocheting off the furniture and brushing away the surface dirt. Coolest of all when it starts its cycle, backing up from the charging dock it has a little beep beep beep back up alarm like a tiny delivery truck. Too cute.

Yesterday's cleaning also included a sighting of that most rare of all indoor wildlife, the Spooky. Spooky is one of moms brother and sister cat pairing. both of them are fairly aloof to non residents of the house but spooky is down right anti-social. not a bad cat per se just, well spooky.

I came upstairs to do the bathroom and he jumped down fron the railing where he had been lounging and regarded me for a moment and then growled at me. I made a few vain attempts at making friends but he really has to be in the mood for it.

So alas once again we were unsuccessful in our attempts to gain the trust of the wild Spooky. we'll see you next time on mutual of Omaha's wild Kitties.

Current mood: amused
Current music: robot vacuum sounds
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Friday, September 5, 2008

3:25PM - Mayonaise in '08

So on the front page of the Wall Street Journal today was the headline "McCain wants to stop Rancor." i immediately thought of the scene in Return of the Jedi (being a true geek!) where Luke gets the monster caught under the gate and then Jabba gets pissed and orders them all thrown into the sarlac pit. At this point I would welcome being thrown into said pit as being digested slowly over a thousand years is preferable to another 2 month of campaigning. I honestly don't think i can vote for either of these guys. and its not the lack of experience on Obama's part. I think someone who isn't a Washington insider could be advantageous to us all. My biggest fear is that he will, to quote a west wing episode "drive us to the middle and stay there. That is to say that he will be too afraid of offending anyone to make any real changes. Hillary wouldn't have had that problem. McCain is a republican, that's reason enough for me not to vote for him. One of my friends said something about sarah Palin "sticking to her conservative values" what exactly does that mean? I'm not a liberal by any means but it doesn't seem to me like the conservatives value much of anything other than short term gains for the upper 5% of society. i am sorely tempted to write in mayonnaise for president as my friends at work and I have been discussing. at least it has some value as a condiment. I think the time is right for a palace revolution.

Current mood: disaffected
Current music: Street fighting man,the Stones
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Thursday, May 15, 2008

3:54PM - Cat fight, Cat fight

Last night the cats were fighting. It was quite an elaborate battle royal on the living room floor. As I sometimes do I laughed out loud at their antics. Upon my doing this they ceased their combat and Squeaky, my oldest looked at me with a deep penetrating gaze as if to say"if your gonna laugh at us we'll just quit, we take our work seriously Dad!" then Luna, the younger sister left her spot on the floor and clawed at the carpet, as if to say " that'll teach ya" I looked away for a moment and then saw Luna saunter back over to big sis and slam her shoulder into her. And the fight was on again. I really don't need cable since I have all the sports and drama I need right here.

Current mood: amused
Current music: rocky theme
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Sunday, April 20, 2008

10:20AM - Ben Stein is my hero

On CBS Sunday Morning today Ben Stein did a commentary on the forgotten victims of the mortgage crisis. While dubya and pals are dumping freighter loads of cash on the banks and realtors and such no one is spending a dime extra to take care of the thousands of pets being abandoned by folks fleeing their palaces of pretension that they well knew they couldn't afford.

If there was a disaster i would grab my cats and maybe if i had time, pants, and go. I cant conceive of the idea of leaving my girls behind. a pox on all those who would. I know that i am probably preaching to the choir here but I had to mention this. Lets hope that somebody in a position to do something listened when Ben asked for a federal tax credit for those who adopt shelter dogs and cats, money for those shelters and subsidies to save the only real innocent victims of a crisis we could have easily avoided just by being a little less greedy.

Current mood: pissed off
Current music: Mark knopfler Sailing to philadelphia
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Friday, April 11, 2008

5:21PM - I know from funny

Things that are funny, always,
The office
Two and a half men
other peoples misfortune(in real life)

Things that used to be funny but now not so much
The Simpsons
Family Guy (peaked too early i'm afraid)
Scrubs(that one really bothers me but they're going to end it anyway)

Things that were funny once but never again
Parody movies I.E. "Scary" Movie"
Those Altell commercials with the wizard

Things i used to think were not funny but i have changed my opinion on
Bob Sagget

Things that are not now, weren't ever and never will be funny
Reality T.V.
Zombie strippers

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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

3:13PM

I wont dwell on the the subject but I felt i had to say something in the wake of Gary Gygax's death. part of me wants to say its a shame he lived to see what wizards of the pokemon did to his game, but now is not the time.

Most of the really good times I've had (clothed anyway) involved some variation of D&D so it only seems appropriate to offer a warm thanks to E Gary for all the enjoyment and even the occasional frustration ("damn it how could I possibly roll 10 "1's" in a row") Also condolences to the family for their loss.

so tip your two liter of mt dew and offer up sacrifices of burnt pizza to mark the passing of he who was born king of the geeks.

Current mood: contemplative
Current music: LOTR soundtrack
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Friday, February 1, 2008

3:55PM - I have a rich realtive in Nigeria who needs my help

I am not sure if this is some bizare sign of success but I have been getting a larger than normal number of E-mail scams lately.
I don't even have to open them to recognize them. Sometimes though i do, for the comedic value.

Why in the world would anyone in this day and age fall for these things? I am dirt poor and i could certainly use fifty grand from some third world banana republic, but as one of my friends is fond of saying, "I was born at night but it wasn't last night."

There are unmistakable signs that these things are bs, for example, the director of a major bank would not send business proposals to me on his throwaway yahoo or hot mail account. most banks usually have their own server for that. secondly why of all people in the world did Mr Mobutu pick Me, a nearly middle aged, trailer dwelling food service person to accomplish this task?? I just don't now.

Current mood: amused
Current music: theme from "the Sting"
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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

3:42PM - The demise of western televisation

I am not concerned with the election this year. I don't like anybody who is likely to win their party's nomination, so as I have in the Past I am just going to vote Libertarian. What really bugs me is the TV writers strike.

I support them in principle, but the fact is, if I don't get new shows soon i may have to do something drastic, like read a book! (actually I love reading but it relaxes me so well that the only time i usually do it is about half an hour before bed.

If the strike continues the networks and major studios are going to use the entertainment equivalent of scabs, reality shows. I am not totally passionate about too many things but by god the onset of so many new reality schlock jobs at once makes my blood boil.

My great uncle was in the great 1937 sit down strike in Flint MI. these guys took a great risk to get the right to bargain for a decent wage. The big production companies are screwing the little guys in the writers guild out of a fair share of royalties on DVD sales. Not quite the same but close enough.

I say let us all, the viewing public, rise up in support of these poor souls and boycott purchases of dvd's that make the people at the top of the entertainment industry just that much richer. after all these are the same guys that sue people for tens of thousands of dollars just for downloading their crappy music. of course the truth is I can't afford DVDs anyway so, it's easy for me.

Current music: The Internationale
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